How I Lost a Small Child and a Car Tire

Before you overreact, it wasn't a very attractive child or a very nice car tire...

At the beginning of the summer I had a revelation... I had let myself go.... Straight to the buffet line!!!

All jokes aside, I had let myself get to the point where I was overweight. It began to affect my self esteem, my relationships, and even my health. I realized this when I decided to go for a run one night and barely made it past the corner before I began huffing and puffing. I went home and looked at myself in the mirror and was amazed at what I saw. I had gotten fat.

Except it wasn't magic. Not at all.

I tried lying to myself. I used fun words to describe myself: plump, robust, voluptuous, dense... I think I even said linebackeresqe once or twice. But in the end I couldn't lie to myself anymore and I had a choice to make. I could either continue with the lifestyle I was living, I could decide to make big changes, or I could take a nap... Well I did take a nap, but then I woke up a few hours later and decided to make the big changes. Then I went and got a Big Mac, because I wasn't going to start that night.

So there I was, trying to figure out how I got to this point in my life. I looked at my credit card receipts, and I realized I was eating fast food more than any other meal. It was quick and easy, and I actually realized that I may have had a slight addiction. I also realized that I was eating really late at night and into the morning. All in all I felt pretty gross looking at what I had eaten.

I had also become pretty lethargic. I very rarely ran or even thought about working out. Elevators were pivotal and close parking spaces were essentially gifts from heaven. Hills? Essentially the Bane to my Batman. What I'm trying to say is that I dreaded the idea of physical exertion, and that needed to change. I needed to change.

My first step was to download the Lose It app and begin to register everything that I ate. I slowly weaned myself off of fast food, which was ridiculously hard, and forced myself to not eat late at night. (Except for tonight, but I was starving so get off me!) I got some dumbbells and began working out, and I purposely started parking far away and taking the stairs. I know what you're saying, "Duh Tim, this is all stuff everyone knows to do. Good job being a revolutionary." and you're right. I didn't do anything amazingly unique to start out with, mainly because I really had no idea what to do, or what would work for me.

I began losing weight, but I kinda hit a wall hard. I lost focus of my goal due to trying to graduate and get into grad school, as well as other things that popped up. I began stress eating again, and even though I didn't gain back everything I had lost, I gained back enough to render my earlier efforts moot. What was I going to do?

Spoiler: I took another nap

Well once I got back on track I knew that I couldn't just do the same thing everyone else does or I'd get bored and stop. I started looking at different ways to lose weight and ways to boost my metabolism, without the aid of medicine. I began drinking a lot of ice water, I replaced a meal a day with a smoothie, and some other random things here and there. Mainly I just kept myself accountable and I did something they tell you not to do. I got a digital scale that tells me down to the 10th of a pound what I weigh. I like knowing that my actions have rewards and consequences, so I weigh myself every day at the same time. It really keeps me on track, and it's done well for me so far.

Why am I writing about this? Why does any of this matter? Well when I first started writing this blog I was afraid that it would become an exercise in vanity, so I tried not writing too much about myself directly. This though, this is different... This one's for me. I've lost approximately 47 pounds so far, and I can't believe it. I never thought I would get to this point. I honestly though 20 pounds was a pipe dream, and when that became reality I just kept going and going. I guess this leads me to my overall point, that if I can do this what else can I do? Maybe I can actually learn to juggle. The possibility exists for me to learn to swim, or to at least not drown in the deep end. Heck, maybe I can even update this blog on a regular basis...

Ok, maybe some things are a bit of a reach.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me, who kept me going when the going got tough. And thanks to everyone who said I should just stop and be happy where I was, that I should just give up. You all gave me the drive to be better, and you still keep my fires burning even now.

So now that I've gotten all this off my chest (and waistline) I really have some things that I want to write about that I feel I need to work on. Luckily I have Thanksgiving break this week so I should have something up in the next week or so. Keep an eye out for that, and if you have a new challenge for me to attempt leave a comment. I leave you with my favorite thing someone said to me this week:

"Tim, if you make one more Power Rangers reference I will invent time-travel, dress as the Red Ranger, go back to when you first started watching, break into your house, and punch little kid you in the face!"

The CD

The mixtape is a dying art form. It’s a sad fact, but it’s true. But Tim, you may say, why is the mixtape important?? Why can’t I just make a huge playlist of songs for the lady (or gentleman) and just use that? Why is music even important? Why am I so lonely?

The mixtape, or I guess a better term would be mix CD, is a pivotal part to any date, not just the first one. It sets the mood, it shows that you made an effort, and it can say things you may be too afraid to… Also you’re lonely because you didn't make a mix CD. 

At least I have my guitar and a window...

The proper soundtrack can make or break a date. Don’t believe me? Look at this:

http://film-v-music.com/?page_id=48

Felt weird didn't it?

Now I'm guilty of a serious sin... I haven't really made a mix CD for a first date in a long time. Some dates just didn't feel right, and others I've just been apathetic about it. Mostly I just really really like the idea of the mix CD, and I'm also extremely corny and goofy. Your date might just look at you and laugh, or think that you are a fifteen year old... and that's ok. If you think making a mix CD is a good idea, go for it. If you think that a mix CD isn't for you or for your date, then don't. Just make sure you enjoy anything you do. Dating is supposed to be fun. 
Also I feel like I should reiterate that I am a terrible person to listen to, and I always try to eat cookies before they're cool and I burn my mouth. 

Before I begin, I must make the distinction between a mix CD you give to someone and one that you use as the soundtrack of your date. Though they can be similar, you can't use the same one for both. In that case you need to make 2 different CDs or you run the risk of getting called out. The date hasn't even started yet and you're already in the doghouse. So don't do it. For this post I'm going to focus on the general CD, and you can apply the ideas as you see fit for both types of CD. Also, even though this is apart of my first date guide, this is more of a set of guidelines for making a mix CD for someone you care about romantically. Some of the songs suggested may have more intense lyrics than what you want for a first date, and you don't want to scare them off. I'm going to try to keep things simple, but with dating things rarely are.

First and foremost, you cannot have more than 19 songs on the CD. I don't care if the CD holds 20 or 21, 19 is the limit. Actually I prefer 18, but sometimes 19 works... Just no more. The 20th song tends to ruin the flow of the CD and you usually end up putting some throw away song there... Remember, it's quality not quantity.

So what do you put on the magical CD, this musical key to the heart of your date? I'm gonna break it down into sections for you. I may suggest certain songs for certain places, but feel free to improvise. This is your CD and I'm not the one trying to woo your date, unless they are very interesting or are Eliza Dushku.

I forgive you for doing Wrong Turn

Tracks 1 & 2: The "Hey, let's get to know each other while these songs play in the background" tracks.
This is how we start. You don't want to go too big too fast. Something soft, maybe mostly instrumental. Ease yourselves into the CD, things will heat up soon enough.

Tracks 3, 7, & 11  The "Songs that bring an air of familiarity to the date and you can sing along with if you choose, or just hum." Everyone needs a break from talking now and again, and this is your chance. These songs can vary from the bubblegum pop to the soulful Kings of Leon track that everyone knows.

Tracks 4, 9, 12 These are for you. This is your chance to shine. Put something here that you really enjoy, something you really feel like shows your taste in music. This is usually where people will say "Oh, I had no idea you liked So-and-So, that's so interesting. Also our similar tastes in music have made you sooo much more attractive." Or you could totally scare off that special someone if you break out the death metal. Tread carefully...

Track 5 Here we are, the first chance you get to set the mood. Put something that here, something that says "Hey, I'm a dragon of liking you. I hope you are also a dragon, or at least someone who is attracted to dragons." This is the first step, the swing and hopefully not a miss.

Tracks 6, 8, 10 This is for them. Put songs here you think your date will like, or already likes. See how close you are to what you think she likes. Roll the dice, make some magic happen. Remember you've already established your a dragon.

Track 13 This is the most pivotal thing I will ever post ever in the history of everdom. Track 13 must be "For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger. There is no other choice, you must put this song here! Don't think you can do anything else, this song is scientifically proven to be magic. Yes, science proved magic exists, and it is in putting this song as Track 13.
I hate this song. I hate this song so much. I have no problem with Teddy Geiger as a person, but I hate this song with a passion I usually use for when Waffle House runs out of waffles. That intense... And I still have to put this song here. If you've never heard this song don't listen, just download it and put it on your CD and hope for the best. If it doesn't work for you, you must have angered a dark wizard at some point in your life, or maybe the universe simply hates you. In that case, you probably should watch out for that asteroid.

Tracks 14-18 (Or 19) Here we go, how do we close out this CD? It's time to be smooth. Put your most romantic songs here. This isn't the place for the Safety Dance. Sorry Men Without Hats...

This really doesn't need a caption

And that's it. Boom goes the dynamite, you've done it. Pat yourself on the back, and then realize that you have done nothing but provide a soundtrack. You are currently just the Danny Elfman of this date, and you need to also be the Tim Burton and the Johnny Depp. You've got a lot of ground to cover. 

Next time in the Gentleman's Guide: The Gentleman's Guide to What to Actually Do on the First Date.

The Gentleman's Guide to Life

So let me start by saying that I'm a terrible person to listen to… I once tried making a grilled cheese in the toaster, I went through a phase where I thought Hawaiian shirts were cool, and I’ve leapt off my room with an umbrella thinking I would float to the ground. In fact, I did the umbrella thing three separate times because I thought my umbrella wasn't big enough the time before. Needless to say, I’m not the kind of guy you want to take advice from.

Maybe if I added a cape....

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, once upon a time I decided to write down my views on a variety of subjects, from dancing to walking down stairs. Mostly I wrote for laughs, but certain people seemed to enjoy them and so I wrote more. In the course of writing these “guides” I learned a lot about myself, and about how I actually felt about certain things. I really came to enjoy writing, and it really helped me clear my thoughts. Sadly this was all on my old laptop, and when it suddenly died I lost almost everything on it.

Recently I started writing again, and I realized how much I missed it. Short stories, ideas, letters, even this blog… And now I've decided to re-write  The Gentleman’s Guide to Life. It's one of my favorite things I ever wrote, and now I hope I can recapture that magic again. If not, I'll at least have fun doing it. The guide will be broken into many parts, and I'll still post things besides just the guide. So don't worry, I'll still post about dinosaurs and Batman.

I’m going to start with something everyone needs to know: The Gentleman’s Guide to First Dates  which actually may be a misleading title. It’s for anyone, not just men. And while the overall arc is about the first date, the ideas discussed can be applied to many things.

Just like Calvin and Hobbes

OK, time to get to work on actually writing this thing. My posting schedule may be erratic, but we’ll survive. Part one will be on how to make the perfect CD. 

Fall is Coming

Wow, it's kind of cold outside. I went to the dumpster behind my apartment in my usual lounging outfit (sleep shorts and a thin tee, if you are a visual thinker) to empty my trash can and was shocked that it was so chilly. This really isn't why I'm posting tonight, but I've heard that talking about the weather is a good way to break the ice. That's why polar bears hate talking about the weather.

I've been busy lately, but I wrote a short story while sitting in class the other day that I felt like posting. This story came about because Ann Hamilton, half of Shenanigans of E26, sent me random symbols and told me to write a story using some of them. Since I was sitting in Econ for Managers I really didn't have anything better to do so I spent the rest of class crafting the story that follows. I personally don't feel like it's my best work (that being either my Dr. Horrible sequel or "Tim and Batman Go Ride Dinosaurs and Then Eat Bacon") but I need to get more comfortable letting others read my work, and what better place for that than my sexy blog. Hope you enjoy.

Also, I haven't forgotten my other projects. They are just more of a slow process than I originally thought. Think of this as a chance to practice some delayed gratification.

I present: Góshé

Small update, random things

I've been a bit busy late with school and things, but I wanted to touch on a few things while I work on some bigger posts for the future. I'm still working on the multi-part "Gentleman's Guide to First Dates" so that's pretty exciting. I'm also gonna try some new things out for the blog, so be patient with me. I think you'll like them. 

Now it's time for some quick thoughts:

Aquaman deserves more respect. He's the king of Atlantis! Seriously, just read about him:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aquaman

I think I'm ready to learn how to swim. If anyone wants to help, I'm willing to give it the old college try.

This year I feel like the Presidential election will be decided by the women's vote. It's definitely going to be an interesting next few months.

I'd like to read more female authors. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm game for reading almost any type of book or any genre.

Finally, I'm really bad at laundry. I just wanted to share that. If someone wants to come fold and iron my clothes I will serenade you.

That's it for right now. Thanks for being you. Until next time...

 

The post where I don't talk about Batman

When I woke up this morning I followed my typical morning routine. I open my eyes, stretch while making fierce noises, and look around my room. Since I haven’t really cleaned my room in a few days my desk is currently covered with all the junk I haven’t figured out where it goes yet. On my desk I have not one, but two quite large dinosaurs that watch over me while I sleep. Usually I don’t give them a second thought, but today I realized I’m a 23 year-old man with two extra large dinosaurs (as well as a wizarding bear, a cowbell, and floppy hat) sitting on my desk where work should be. AND IT'S AWESOME!!!

Ok, to be fair it's not the most awesome thing in the world. But those dinosaurs represent something that is amazing.. They represent Passion (capitalized for emphasis). Let's face facts, I'm a weird guy. I don't eat onions, I don't trust jello, I secretly wake up every morning and try to bend the elements, and I consistently rank Roadhouse among my all time favorite movies.

I'm crazy for Swayze

I'm also way too into dinosaurs, I know more than one person should about superheroes, watch too much T.V., still watch professional wrestling,  and laugh way too hard at things that aren't that funny. And I do these things because I'm so passionate about them. When I was younger I was so afraid of being myself that I hid things from people that I really enjoyed. It wasn't until college that I could finally let my geek flag fly and be the person that I wanted to be for the longest. And once I started letting loose, the dam burst and I found all kinds of great things about myself. So strange things as well, but that's beside the point. I feel like once I realized what I was passionate about, I was finally able to be the happiest person that I can be. 

So why is all this important? What does my realization that I love elbow drops and laser vision have to do with you? The answer is EVERYTHING!!! If someone asks you what you're passionate about, and you don't have an answer you're missing out on something big. A life without passion isn't a life, it's a shell. I implore you, take a good look at your life and find something you care about, something that ignites the fires within your soul. Don't be afraid of what others will say, just fear that you might miss out on something amazing in your life. Find something, anything, and grab hold!!! 

Maybe not just anything. Remember: Cannibalism is wrong.

Sorry for all  the exclamation points in this post. I guess you could say I'm really... passionate about the subject. 

Also I'm passionate about normal stuff too, like geocaching, cooking, and  not getting hit by a bus

On another note, I've got some ideas for the next few posts, but I'd like to hear what you'd be interested in reading. I've got the "Gentleman's Guide to First Dates" lined up as well as a piece on independent music. 

Feel free to post ideas here, or if you choose you could smash your face into your keyboard until a witty comment appears. I hear that's how Shakespeare did it. Until next time...

I'm more of a Dork Knight

Today was a pretty epic day in my life. I finally have Batman boxers.

Yeah, I'm 23

I'll give you a bit to absorb this bit of incredible.

Because I seem to be on a lucky streak as of late, they were even on sale. I think it may be due to the lack of symmetry on them. Anyways I’m excited.

In my excitement I started thinking why I like Batman so much. I mean, I love superheroes in general. I believe they are our modern day myths and legends, and someday future societies will look back and talk about how Bruce Banner had to conquer his rage or how Peter Parker learned responsibility comes with great power. So riddle me this: What makes Batman so darn special?



I really just wanted to see if a gif would work or not

  

I believe the answer is actually pretty simple: There’s a version of Batman for everyone. He transcends almost any medium. Whether you want the Batman Beyond or you prefer Brave and the Bold (complete with *POW* sound effects), Arkham Asylum or The Dark Knight Returns, Adam West or Christian Bale (Or Lewis Wilson/Robert Lowery/Michael Keaton/Val Kilmer/George Clooney, if you like the Bat nipples/and my personal favorite Kevin Conroy), movies or graphic novels, comics or animated series, video games or musical theatre YOU CAN HAVE IT! Young or old, man or woman, rich or poor, casual observer or dedicated fan, there is Batman for you.

Now this isn’t my only reason for liking Batman (though it definitely helps to have a Batman for any mood). Honestly I could go on for a ridiculously long time listing reasons why I like Batman, and one day I definitely will. Next time I probably won't even need to buy new boxers for inspiration.

So what about you? Do you like Batman, or are you more of a Superman type person? Maybe you prefer another member of the Bat-Family (Batwoman anyone??). Or maybe you think superheroes are dumb. Feel free to comment with any comments, suggestions, or if you just really like typing words and then hitting buttons.

Oh here are some links for stuff to watch if you want to show Batman being everywhere:

Community:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH_XwLZ6Y0M

Supernatural:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYVilmnMFpY

Swear to ME!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfFbxIHBdjo

Brave and the Bold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHY9USNC_Fk

Holy Musical B@man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmZhMeY5L44

Shanghai Batman:
http://www.comicsalliance.com/2012/08/29/dc-nation-batman-of-shanghai-video/


Also, my next post will be less Batman-y. Honest

I really want some cereal

I'm not completely sure how this blog thing works. I mean, I should by now... Shouldn't I? A lot of my friends have blogs, and a lot of people I don't know personally but would like to meet have blogs, but I'm still not completely sure how they work. I get the basics. I think of something, I write it down, usually in a humorous or interesting way, and you read it. Example:

Today I went to class. There were no dragons there, but how interesting would it have been if there had. Then I went to work. We had a party. Still no dragons. Then I went to another class and daydreamed of having a giant waffle fight. Then I came home and started doing laundry. Again.. No dragons. Finally I found my old Spanish blog and decided to change it to my new and shiny Not Spanish Blog.

Huh... guess I do know how this works after all. I'll be updating when I think of it with thoughts about stuff, guides to life, theories about things, and general rambunctiousness.

Also: Dragons